brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
