I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
