If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
worst night to have a conscience
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
