he wants to bone in the snuggie
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Green mimosas i think yes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
