I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
