Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
