sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
