Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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