Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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