he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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