Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
