and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
