took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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