He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
do herpes really smell.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
