I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
