I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
