the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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