I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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