Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
