am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
