It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
