they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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