ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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