the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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