I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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