If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
