i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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