how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
