Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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