Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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