he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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