Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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