I will die if light touches me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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