My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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