On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
