lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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