we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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