operation harelip BJ is a go
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
