Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
