I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
