he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
