Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
