You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
