I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
