i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
