I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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