FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Less talking, more tequila
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
