this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
