from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
