Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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